Rambling.......

where I have been......where I am going.

It has been way too long since I have sat and written about life.

Life has a funny way of just continuing, even if you haven't paused to recount what has happened.

What has happened since I last wrote.

A world of things have happened.

I stopped writing on the realization that I was living a lie.

The life I was living was not what I believed it was.

I've moved past that.

Since that time, Rick was laid off.  For a year.  For a year I carried us all.

I dealt with his depression, his thoughts of failure and tried all I could to lift him up.

I went back to work for benefits.  Making less money than I was making with my home-based business. but at least I had the safety-net of benefits.

That was a good thing, as while we were under Cobra, Emma Sage got sick.   What I thought as just a rash and a virus, turned  into a nightmare, with her being admitted to Goyeb Children's Hospital and the thoughts she had Leukemia. 

Yes, that scary, big word that all parents of a child with Down syndrome fear.   Leukemia.

After a week of being on pins and needles, a bone-marrow aspiration.  A few immature blasts.  It turns out that it was a unknown virus.  We were spared this round.

But it meant that as soon as Cobra ran out,  if he was not gainfully employed with benefits, I would have to venture out of my safe-haven and get a job with benefits.

He worked contract.  He made more money contracting than he did with his permanent full-time job. 

For that I give thanks.

I went back to work for benefits.

I am still working.

Rick got a job with benefits....in New Hampshire.

It meant uprooting the family.

With two in college and Otto just about to start high school......

I paused.

I reflected.

I realized that what was wrong, so terribly wrong in my relationship had not changed.

I wasn't going to move.

I kept my job with benefits and Rick moved to New Hampshire.